Divorce is hell … but life does get better

Divorce laws, custody battle, child support, and family court make divorce a stressful time filled with worry.  Take consolation.  There can be happiness after divorce.
Divorce Cakes? Yes some celebrate with a cake. Click on the photo to see more divorce cake art.

I went through a divorce in 2002. Although I never celebrated it with a cake like this when the divorce was final, I was relieved. Custody battle, fathers rights, child support, and divorce laws were the phrases of those two, painful years it took to complete our divorce. It was truly a horrible time in my life. Dads are still second class citizens in family court, and I remember being scared over how our divorce would ultimately be settled. At times that fear would become overwhelming, but then I remembered one thing … I couldn’t be a good parent to my son if I let myself be consumed by those thoughts. So I tried to focus on what I could control … being the best Dad possible. I also surrounded myself with my family, loyal friends, and a great co-parenting coach. You don’t have to go through this alone. Divorce Solicitors are there to help anyone going through a divorce and can also make your life a little easier through this transition. You probably feel lost and don’t know where to turn. But remember, with people like these, you’ve always got someone to help you through it.

Over seven years later, I’m a very fortunate guy who’s divorce story has a “happy” ending. Much of my worrying was a waste of time. I now get along pretty well with my son’s mom, and we share joint custody of our son. It will never be perfect, but then even married couples have disagreements raising kids. Ben, our 14 year-old son, is a great young man and doing well.

On days like today, however, divorce still sucks. You see, today is Ben’s birthday, and he’s at his mom’s this year. You do adjust to being away from your child on birthdays or holidays, but it will always suck. Over time, I’ve found there is a silver lining. For me, being a divorced parent makes me appreciate the gift of parenting more. When it’s my turn to host the birthday party or have Christmas with my son, I relish it and never take it for granted. There are so many people going through a divorce all over the world, having to deal with the emotions I did, luckily I had a good lawyer from a law firm similar to PETERS AND MAY who were able to help me continue to have a role in my son’s life. I know that there are some parents out there that aren’t lucky when it comes to the custody battle part of the divorce. Keep going and don’t let those overwhelming feelings get to you. Years later you’ll look back at your battle, and things will look better than they do now.

So yes, there is happiness after divorce. Gone are the feelings of bitterness and worry. Are you divorced or divorcing? What has it taught you? Or maybe you have friends or family that have gone through a divorce. Any advice to share?

Going through a divorce is never easy. But it is comforting to know happiness can be found on the other side.

This Post Has 5 Comments

  1. Marion

    My husband is a divorced Dad, and something he has gotten really good at (I’m still learning!) is taking the long view. I still get knotted up over little immediate bumps and hurdles. He remembers that he’ll still be the girls’ Dad in 5, 10, 20 years, and that today’s hiccup does not shape their entire relationship. The girls are about to go off to college, and I can see that his long view (along with quite a bit of stick-to-it-iveness!) has shaped strong Dad-daughter relationships.

    1. Bruce Bradley

      Boy, is there a lesson in there or what! If only we as the human race could take the long view more often, think of all the crap that would could avoid and how much productive would could be. Would government budget battles be happening if we truly took a long view? I don’t think so. If big food companies took the long view and retooled and reinvested in sustainable food practices rather than protecting their current business model wouldn’t we all be better off? So cheers to taking the long view and trying to make it part of everyday lifestyles. I agree — I think we will all be better for it!

  2. Laura

    Wise words, Bruce. That’s so true about the silver lining. When I was at home with our kids, celebrations seemed to become just another section of the to-do list, but now I look forward to them and find pleasure in coming up with ways to make them special. For me it has never mattered too much whether it fell on the exact day, as long as we could look forward to it and know that it wouldn’t get forgotten.

  3. raphael

    Great Read. Going thru similar hell myself. Just curious, why can you not see your son on every birthday , maybe just during the day , and the mom gets him at night and then of course switch every year?

    But you are spot on, Dads are 2nd string to Moms , sad.

    1. Bruce Bradley

      Sorry you’re going through a divorce, Raphael. It can be a very rough time for sure.

      There are lots of ways to word the parenting time agreements. It’s been two years since I wrote this post, and this year my son was supposed to be with his mom. Well, she suggested we all get together for one birthday celebration for him. That never would have happened 5 years ago, but with time there can be progress.

      Best of luck, peace, and make the most of all your time with your kids. They grow up so very fast!

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